Team Methane

Last month my wife and I celebrated our 8th anniversary. We're coming up on 10 years together in just a few months. During this entire time I've told anyone and everyone how I've married way over my head. If you get the chance, I'd definitely recommend it.

In early 1999, I was in the singles market having already gone through a bad marriage. I was working nights in the telecommunications field where the pick of women is between "only after I've had a few" to "she's a two-bagger..." So a buddy recommended a relatively new dating website called match.com I'm sure most people have heard of it by now, but back then it was a little weird to go online to try and meet people. It was basically there for losers and freaks. After a little thought I realized I was a loser and a freak, so I signed right up. Within a few days I found my wife's profile and that's that.

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Congratulations to Senator Obama and his backers. Only time will tell if he'll do what he said he was going to do (be moderate) or if his past voting record reveals who he really is (a left wing radical). One thing's for sure, the left will have no one to blame for what transpires over the next 2 years. As a good little American, I'll hope for the best.

We always love to hear from readers who aren't afraid to throw around three dollar words. We aren't sure why the reference to Alot, Madhya Pradesh, India, but in all fairness, it should've been capitalized. Or did he/she mean a lot?

Enjoy!

User: Stoic 94
User ID:
Host: email.cvsd.org
Email: trebuchet@gmail.com
Comment:
I actually was quite dissapointed, I thought it had alot of potential but then at every possible opportunity when you could have said something funny or even clever, you failed miserably. Blogging about debunking your own conspiracy theory, funny, making the conspiracy theory about your huge penis, not funny. Blogging about conspiracy theory's in general, not necessarily funny but at the very least amusing, trying to appear apathetic to everything, once again, epic fail. I hope you kill yourself and never write online again.

I haven't written a good blog in quite a while. When I say "good" I mean "long", because nothing I write is any good. Or even read by anyone.

So I started thinking over the past couple of weeks of interesting and worldly topics I'd like to try and tackle:

Politics

World peace? Nah, too easy. Just bomb the hell out of the middle east and turn it into a giant parking lot and put in a Wal-Mart. Case closed.

Globalization? Phht...you kidding me? The people of this world DO NOT need to be unified into a single society working together as one. If that happened, who the hell would I make fun of? Furthermore, how would you be able to blame the guy next to you when you screw up? No thanks.

Culture

The Renaissance? Anything that happened before 1972 is boring and quite possibly made up. Who really cares about "cultural movements" anyway?

Music? All Bryan Adams all the time. 'Nuff said.

Certainly I'm too much of a progressive thinker to even bother with such frivolous topics such as these. Nope, after many weeks of soul-searching I've finally reached an epiphany. A subject that is most worthy and warrants all of my vast intellect.

Conspiracy theories.

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Sometimes I just can't help but reply to some of the dumbest attempts at e-mail scam.

Re: RE-OUTSTANDING PAYMENT
Wednesday, September 17, 2008 10:22 AM
From: "Jerry Fuselier"
To: "Dr Ademola Johnson"

Dear Dr Ademola "This is a fake name" Johnson,

What an amazing butchering of the English language. What with all the misspelled words and horrible grammar I'm sure you guys are just rolling in the dough with your little attempt at a scam. So here ya go!

1. Mr. Heywood Jablome
2. 1-800-EAT-SHIT
3. 1234 Street, Donut, ID 12345
4. 1,084
5. Underwear Inspector #12
6. Yes, please

I hope you rot in hell.

Sincerely,

Heywood

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Cowboys 41 - Beagles 37

If you look at last night's game as just a fan of football, this game was probably one of the best so far this year. If you're a Cowboys' fan (me) or a Beagles fan (losers) then you had diarrhea the whole game.

The officiating was horrible for both sides throughout. There were bone-headed plays from both QBs. There were great plays for both sides. Wanna see a long bomb for a TD? Both teams did it. Wanna see a kick-off returned for a TD? Got it.

And of course there was the the usual jaw-jacking that goes with a Cowboys/Beagles game.

It took hours after the game to calm down enough to go to bed.

And lots of toilet paper.

So I'm sitting here on a Saturday morning with nothing much to do. So I've recreated the TM blog. Keslo will probably still ignore it and obviously no one will read it, but hey, it's all good.

I know one thing, I live my life!

Recently my wife made a myspace account to keep tabs on our girls' activities. I had to create one too so I could read their posts and see all their "friends." I'm not really amazed by the myspace phenomenon - I've been doing the 'Net thing since early 1996 which means I've seen roughly 80% of the porn that's out there. Not to mention all the .wav files and stupid videos that get passed around by e-mail that are all at least 5 years old. Trust me, you're not showing me anything I haven't seen a million times.

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So a few mornings ago I woke up way too early to get up but really too late to try and go back to sleep. So for funsies I laid in bed passing night-toots and giggling. Little did I know the smell would be as bad as it was and it wasn't long before my wife woke up.

Rhonda: "Jerry, check on your dog, I smell dogstuff." (Real word censored for sensitive eyes)

Me (laughing): "Go back to sleep dear, you're imagining things."

A few minutes later the ol' toothless wonder spoke up again. This time the smell was so bad I kinda thought the dog may have crapped on the floor. No sooner than this entered my head than my wife jumped up half asleep, wobbling, and yelling, "DOGSTUFF! DOGSTUFF! DOGSTUFF!"

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